


Cupio Dissolvi

by Katerunaway



Category: Il buono il brutto il cattivo | The Good The Bad and The Ugly (1966)
Genre: Animal Death, Blondie POV, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 05:47:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30017049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katerunaway/pseuds/Katerunaway
Summary: Tuco being practical and Blondie musing over it.
Relationships: "Blondie" | The Man with No Name/Tuco Ramirez
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	Cupio Dissolvi

**Author's Note:**

> Ideally set some time before Blondie abadons Tuco for the first time.

They set up camp silently. It was not uncommon for them to stay silent for a long time, as they travelled across the desert, looking out for dangers, for threatening sounds, keeping an eye on their path. Tuco did not mind. Silence left room for observation. In fact he noticed that Blondie was not as focused as usual. His gestures were less precise and sloppy as he handled the saddle and their belongings. He speculated that the long ride had worn him out.  
Tuco proposed to go hunting. “I feel like eating something better than those piss beans. And then we can have a good rest”. He looked at Blondie, waiting for a reaction. Blondie nodded slightly, not giving him any reply.  
“I’ll come back in a minute” Tuco continued and as he walked past Blondie he stroked the branches of a bush and said “A hare must have been here recently”.  
Blondie frowned and then smirked, sitting down to light the camp fire. He thought there were not many chances to find hares at that time of day, when the light was dimming, and that they would have to eat the canned beans in the end. He felt dizzy and his bones were aching. Probably he was just tired. He rubbed his eyes. He didn’t want to fall sick now. He didn’t want to be weak and vulnerable to another man. If anyone came to get them, he would better be prepared. Or if Tuco turned on him for whatever reason, he thought. He needed to hide his symptoms as best as he could. And hope for the best.  
Evening had almost set when Tuco’s frame started to come out of the dark, among the sparse trees, with two hares in his hand. Blondie was surprised. Tuco could see his eyes widen almost imperceptibly, and felt encouraged to boast a little. “See Blondie. They weren’t far” he said.  
“I could sense the smell they had left on the branches”  
Blondie looked at him thoughtfully.  
Tuco had some skills he didn’t know about.  
He swallowed and wondered what else he didn’t know about him.  
He was holding the hares for him to see and smiling triumphantly, satisfied that they would have something different to eat. Blondie smiled too, realizing that some meat at this moment would be good for his health. He thanked Tuco in his mind for providing their meal. For providing him with a reason to feel relieved.  
The helpless animals had been unlucky, on the contrary.  
They could have done nothing against him. Vulnerable and weak without any claws, only with their softness and their fear.  
He watched Tuco skin the hares calmly, ripping their delicate fur off in the right places and leaving the underlying soft flesh exposed.  
They roasted the meat on the fire and ate quietly.

After their meal Blondie started to feel better. Meat filled his stomach pleasantly. He lighted his cigar and stretched out near the campfire, feeling strength come back to his muscles. He took the last drag from his cigar and puffed some smoke. He motioned to Tuco if he wanted to finish and Tuco took it.  
Blondie absent-mindedly watched the man take a drag on the stub that still carried the dampness of his mouth, his own flavor, and thought about being searched, hunted down and stripped bare, exposed to his bone, about being weak and helpless. It did not scare him. He almost wanted it. That novelty now, that scared him.

**Author's Note:**

> Cupio dissolvi: lit. “I wish to be dissolved”, Used by St. Paul in one of his letters “I wish to dissolve and be with Christ a thing far better”. It expresses the Christian desire to leave the earthly life and join Christ in eternal life. Beyond that, it refers to a desire for self destruction - a wish to die and reach a plane of higher life. There is a strong connection between death and love, as love implies a transformation (death) which is of course painful.


End file.
